Have there been situations in your life when you. What to do in a difficult life situation? Don't be intrusive

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In order to give a full answer, a specialist was involved who is well versed in the required subject "USE (school)". Your question was as follows: "Have there been situations in your life when you were able to prevent a dangerous situation in time?"

After a meeting with other specialists of our service, we are inclined to believe that the correct answer to your question will be as follows:

Yes. For example, the approach of heavy rain / snowfall.

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A study in China shows that the majority of people who are in a difficult situation or suffer from depression turn to friends (78.7%) and family (75.6%) for support. But relatives and friends do not always know how to properly support a loved one. We make the same mistakes again and again, which not only do not help the person in trouble, but can also harm.

website collected advice from psychologists and people who find themselves in a difficult situation on how to properly support a person experiencing grief.

1. Be there

A person who has experienced misfortune is in dire need of support. The best way support a close friend or native person- just to be around. If necessary, you can move in with him for a while or visit him regularly.

People facing grief recall that the most effective were friendly hugs and simple words sympathy and support: "I'm sorry." Prophetic phrases like “Everything will be fine”, on the contrary, cause irritation. They look empty, because no one can know the future.

2. Don't be intrusive

When misfortune happens to our friends or acquaintances, for example, one of their loved ones gets into the hospital, we want to be aware of the events. The hand reaches for the phone to get the news first hand.

Do not pick up the phone with requests to keep you updated. Better to write than call. A person can be busy or avoid talking, and he will be able to answer letters, SMS when the opportunity and time arise.

3. Don't Ask for Details

Often people want to know more and the details of what happened. But how can they help? This is a simple display of curiosity.

Imagine for yourself what it is like for a person who is in trouble to return to misfortune again and again and experience it again. There is an Irish saying that goes something like this: "If a person is just interested in history, he is not your friend."

4. Offer specific help

People who are in difficult situation, need help. That's for sure. So no need to ask if you need help. Be direct about what you want to help and what you can do.

A person who has fallen on hard times usually needs household help: take the children to kindergarten or school, cook dinner, go to the store, walk the dog, take them to the hospital. If you take on some of the day-to-day responsibilities, it will really make life easier for him.

5. Organize a fundraiser

People who are going through hard times sometimes need money. But accepting money is always difficult, all the more difficult to ask for money. financial assistance. Of course, if it is not a matter of life and death.

Do not ask a person in trouble if he needs money. It is better to organize the collection of money yourself and give the collected amount. It will be a good support, you will be grateful.

You can do without looking for reasons and assumptions. There is no need to hypothesize: “if it hadn’t rained, maybe the accident would not have happened” or “if you hadn’t been late, maybe you wouldn’t have lost your job.”

We are not prophets, and none of us could have known what would happen. The past cannot be returned, and these assumptions will definitely not help. Just hug the grieving person and sympathize with him.

Surely you also had to console a friend and loved one or accept support yourself. Which of these tips would you use? Perhaps you have your own, really working way to support in a difficult situation?

Fear of Success

Have there been situations in your life when literally two steps before the long-awaited result something happened and you did not achieve anything?

Or they thought in advance: “I won’t succeed anyway!” - and did not even begin to realize your dream? Or "left the game", having lost interest, at the first achievements? What is behind such self-sabotage? What are we afraid of? It turns out that one can fear not only trouble, but also triumph.

Oddly enough, most people are used to being gray mice and are unconsciously afraid of achieving success. What is the reason for this fear? AT general view Fear of success has two components: fear of change and low self-esteem.

Is it worth popping out?

On the launch pad to success, as a rule, we all suddenly become afraid of ... change. Some quickly cast aside doubts and rush forward on the wings of victory. Others (the vast majority) begin not to sleep at night, to suffer and worry. It seems to them that any achievement will definitely change the habitual life and attitude of people, they begin to fear being rejected by their inner circle - family and friends. In general, all sorts of thoughts overcome: they will dramatically increase their social status - even close relatives will envy, they are afraid to face aggression and envy of acquaintances. Or become a victim of a crime. They are afraid that friends will start asking for money and God forbid not to return it - and the friendship will be upset. Or it’s quite curious: don’t renounce the bag and the prison ...

In the subconscious, it may worry that big money will make a person shameless and inhuman - especially if the rich were scolded in the parental family, then you don’t want to be a “shark of capitalism”. Perhaps, in childhood, you were inspired by the folk wisdom “keep your head down”, and an incomprehensible anxiety now prevents you from rising above the usual social circle. You may be afraid of feeling guilty that you have taken the place of people more worthy of success.

And, finally, the most important thing - if the social status changes, how to correspond to the achieved level? Where is the guarantee that you will cope with the new responsibility and new problems that come with the victory? Sustaining success will undoubtedly require a huge effort, incomparable to the current ones, there may not be time for meetings with friends, for entertainment, even for family. And, unconsciously fearing all these problems, a person often begins to interfere with his well-being.

How to escape from the captivity of doubt?

Take five concrete steps and make sure you overcome the fear of change and be at the top of your game.

1. First answer the question: what are you willing to pay for success? How ready are you to change – to become a different person? Visualize your new life after achieving the desired result. Imagine yourself in the future five years from now – what does your environment look like? Where and with whom do you live, what do you drive, where and how do you relax? What kind of relationship do you have with family and friends? Have you refused to associate with pessimists who are dragging you down? Are you ready to move into a new environment that matches your social position? How do you communicate with colleagues and subordinates? What do you spend your money on?

2. Now ask your future self, looking back, how did you achieve such success? What have you been through? What did they donate? What did they refuse? And write back in detail over the years what exactly you did to get to the top. Now you have a plan of action for the next five years. Regularly return to your dream - correct and complete the desired image. And implement a plan of action to become exactly what you want.

3. Find a team of like-minded people - people who share your values ​​​​who will strive to succeed with you, and not drag you back into the familiar swamp. Even better, start talking to more successful people than you are now. For example, you can join the club of entrepreneurs in your city so that the transition to a new level is as painless as possible for you.

4. Discuss how you see your future in five years with your spouse or best friend. Create a shared dream. Perhaps together it will be easier for you to overcome all the steps on the way to the top. And a common goal usually brings people together.

5. Arrange with a person of a higher position that you respect to become your mentor. With his advice and recommendations, he will help you quickly make a career or achieve success in business. In exchange, you can provide feasible services.

Slaves of low self-esteem

This problem manifests itself in a deep belief “I really am nothing of myself” and disbelief in myself, which does not change even under the influence of real achievements. A person constantly experiences anxiety and devalues ​​any of his successes, being sure in the depths of his soul that the results achieved are accidental and do not belong to him, “just lucky” and at any moment he can be exposed as a fraudster and “expelled in disgrace”. His main internal problem is the inability to “appropriate” his results and achievements. A person constantly feels a deep experience of his own uselessness, unimportance, inadequacy. He is sure that he is simply deceiving others, and this bluff can be revealed at any moment. In his distorted picture of the world, his own efforts and merits are in no way connected with the result. And hence the constant anxiety to make an irreparable mistake. Where did such Akaki Akakievich come from in the modern world?

As usual, the origins lie in early childhood. Most often, the parents of such a baby demand too much from the child and rarely praise him. Having not realized themselves, parents begin to expect endless victories and awards from the child, mercilessly criticizing and humiliating the child for every mistake. The child does not feel loved and "unconditionally accepted". Often this situation is exacerbated by a younger brother or sister, whom parents love "just like that", without achievements. And as an adult, such a person endlessly tries to prove to dad or mom that he is able to win and is worthy of their love, and often breaks down.

Those who come from a dysfunctional family or "from the bottom" often also feel like upstarts, whose achievements are dictated by a fortunate combination of circumstances, and not by internal qualities and invested work.

Any failures and failures that hit self-esteem can exacerbate this problem. Whether you've been rejected by a loved one or fired from your job, it often takes years to gain confidence after a fiasco.

Feel free to pedal!

What to do if you find such signs in yourself?

1. Remember all the childhood episodes of parental criticism and discontent. What did your parents say to you? Now think about it. For a long time there has not been that young woman who dreamed of the first place for her small child in order to confirm her own importance as a good mother. You have the right to perceive your childhood achievements and failures differently. As an adult, reevaluate the victories and defeats of the little child you were. As a result of this work, you will allow yourself to make mistakes and not always be perfect.

2. Write down the story of your life success and victories. List in detail absolutely everything, even the most insignificant achievements. All that may not be in the life history of other people. For example, an excellent exam, a diploma, a successful performance, a victory in a competition, a promotion, a published article, or an interview with you. Determine what exactly is your merit and your work, and what part of success is the result of luck. You will be surprised to find that almost everything in life has been achieved by yourself.

3. Get yourself a "notebook of achievements." Every night before going to bed, write down what successes and victories you had during the day. At first, it will not be easy for you to admit that much is achieved thanks to your efforts. Then you will begin to appreciate your own merits.

4. Allow yourself to be wrong. You do not have to know everything and always know the correct answer. Learn to forgive yourself for mistakes. Without failure, nothing can be learned or achieved. Take your mistakes as feedback given to understand what you need to do differently next time. Think back to yourself as a child - how many times did you fall before you learned to ride a bike? But if there were no falls, then there would be no result. Start doing something completely new to you - dancing, an unusual sport, drawing. You will see how mistakes give a powerful impetus to achievements.

5. Take criticism calmly, be guided by facts. Often negative comments addressed to someone else are caused by envy or other internal problems of the critic. You don't have to believe everything you've been told. Objectively evaluate how fair the criticism is, whether it corresponds to reality, whether it distorts the truth. Separate the critic's emotions and thoughts from the facts. Do you really need to worry so much about the opinions of outsiders? Why should you be guided by the judgments of sometimes less successful and competent people?

6. Rejoice in your successes. Be proud of yourself. Practice responding to compliments by saying, “Thank you. I am very pleased that you consider me ... ”- and repeat the compliment. Learn to brag about your victories. You really put your work and knowledge into the result!

7. Give thanks to the world for the rewards you have received. Your task is to enjoy these gifts, to feel the pleasure of your achievements. Ask yourself the question: “Why do I need this?” how you live your success is much more important than that why you achieved it.

When we are talking about success, few people realize that it can be feared and sabotaged. Think about it, do you have a fear of achievement? Do the exercises we have suggested and be at the top. Why not?

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