I don't need it: how to get rid of a bad habit. I don't need it: how to get rid of a bad habit What kind of habits can they be

Marik, where have you been? - asked my friend a neighbor who came from a Dagestan village. He was silent a couple of times. When she turned to him again In a similar way, he said: - Sorry, "Marik" - in kindergarten inflates the ball. I was also "Marik" for my grandfather. And for you I am Mark Alexandrovich. And slammed the door in her face.

familiarity

Often he does not understand why he should respect some neighbor Alyoshka, who is suitable for his grandchildren, and call him "Aleksey Petrovich." While, despite his age, "Alyoshka" can head a department at the university, and he himself can be a retired mechanic. Well, at least he has some life experience!

The habit of poking and teaching is completely uncharacteristic for Muscovites and Petersburgers, who prefer polite treatment and notice such things as position in society and education.

Another thing is if the person himself personally asked you to call him "you" and by name. So, for example, a former neighbor, by the way, of princely origin and a teacher foreign languages at MGIMO, she asked me to call her Lida. By the way, Lida was under 80 years old, and she kept herself superb.

Time shifting

A provincial habit that I hate is not understanding that all people work at different times. If you came to visit in another city, and stopped at someone's place, they will definitely push you in the morning, at 7 o'clock. Well, why if it's morning, then you need to get up and run ahead of the locomotive?

Even such people do not understand that for others the evening ends at a different time. They call at half past six in the morning with the words:

- How are you? And I'm already at work!

- And I did a report from the exhibition, and then I corrected it until 5 in the morning.

This happens even in hotels. One of my acquaintances said: A difficult, long flight with transfers during a business trip to Oman. Finally in the room. I fall asleep instantly. At 6 am (!) a knock on the door, then the key turns in the keyhole. I can barely cover myself with a blanket. On the threshold is a young Pakistani with a tray of fruit:

- A compliment from the chef! I would like to tell you more about the possibility additional service rooms…

Almost kicked him out the door, not allowing him to finish.

Lack of sense of proportion

One of the main habits of provincials is the habit of eating and drinking in advance. They have an eternal fear that today there is delicious food, but tomorrow it may not be. This is one of the reasons why almost all of them are overweight. A person who assures that he is not hungry just by seeing the set table, and that others are sitting down, will certainly sit down with everyone else and begin to eat greedily.

In addition, provincials have a habit of eating up, inability to use appliances, and ignorance of the sequence of dishes. So, after borscht, they can immediately start eating salad or cakes almost mixed up. The habit of piercing a whole piece of meat on a fork, and biting it, tilting your head, is the most monstrous thing that I have ever seen.

"You think I'm thirsty? - asks the hero of the film "Big Break", - also for the future! And he is mocked by the same hard worker, but with dignity, paying for soda from the machine. He drinks until he gets sick. These people have no sense of proportion at all.

Spying on neighbors, needing their approval

Another habit that is characteristic of residents of small towns, where everyone knows everything at once. This is spying on the neighbors, trying to take a direct part in their lives, especially when they are not asked about it. They love to give advice on how to dress and hair and stop you when you rush to the store or pharmacy with the words: “What are you doing, where are you going? Haven't seen you for a long time!"Such a person may not notice you for months, but having bought a new car, he will shout to the whole yard, “Vasya, my dear! Where are you now?" and not let go, deliberately asking questions until you praise his purchase.

The provincials always care about who meets with whom and from whom they gave birth or gave birth, and how much was paid for this or that book. Remember, in the film “The Nameless Star”, the head of the station in a small town asks Marin (in some productions he is called Mario) Mira how much a book on astronomy costs and where does the poor teacher get such money from!

In general, this film shows the best that is in the provincials - this is the sincerity, purity and gullibility of Mario and his friend, a music teacher, and the worst - the envy and hypocrisy of Mademoiselle Kuku, who imagines herself to be the arbiter of justice. She tracks down students at the station watching passing trains from Bucharest, but in fact this ebullient activity is just a cover for her loneliness and lack of demand.

Fear of appearing poor

In one of his autobiographical books, the entrepreneur talks about how he started selling newspapers as a boy and earning money at a golf club for the rich. There he remembered a conversation between two elderly millionaires:

At one time I was struck by the boss for whom I worked. She is a wealthy woman, she built a house in Serebryany Bor and at that time drove an amazing car, which were few in the city. I took some usual food for me in the store, it seems, Norwegian salmon and sturgeon. She looked at me and says:

- Well, you're chic! And I can’t afford it ... Except for a big holiday.

The rich and successful are not afraid to say: “But this is dear to me”, “I don’t have that much money”, “I can’t afford it”, etc. But if you take “weakly” a person who is limited in funds, saying: “Why are you taking not Perrier, but Bon Aqua? Beggar or what? there is a good chance that he will immediately bend. This psychology is often used by shop assistants. They say, “Well, a $25,000 laptop is only good for a kid. Do you need a normal computer? Here, take a look, only 87,500 rubles! Inexpensive, right? Well, yes, and he himself receives 30,000 a month, but he swears and swears that these are mere pennies.

Georges Simenon in his novel “I Remember” wrote that the best gifts for Christmas were received by the children of the provincial poor: chic rocking horses and a bunch of sweets, which he envied. These were people who lived one day, who did not save up money for university education and the future of their children, and therefore filled them with souvenirs and toys.

Is that how you understood the word?

Today, you can lead a healthy lifestyle and engage in self-development, but at the same time continue to damage your physical and emotional health. The list of bad habits and addictions is huge - from the passion for shopping to unhealthy relationships. However, the craving for some form of self-destruction has good reasons to exist.

Conscious adults nestle on the steps of office buildings and are ready to give up lunch to smoke another cigarette, or wait from the very beginning of the week for Fridays when they can afford strong alcohol. The main conclusion that I made for myself in this matter is that any habit is functional. In general, this thesis is confirmed by the experience of other people and the mastodons of psychological science. Man, as a system as a whole, strives at least for survival - therefore, the craving for destructive bad habits has deep roots and reasons for existence.

But why?

One of the main reasons for the existence of any bad habit was a general anxiety state. Evidence for this can be found in the scientific literature, and by analyzing personal experience. In practice, my clients often learn to recognize and be aware of their feelings - and almost unanimously come to the following conclusion. In itself, a non-constructive action is performed as a response to an increasing tension as if by itself. And then even a banal bad habit of squeezing your shoulders to your head leads to short-term relief. The conditions for this may be different, but the goal is the same - to get some kind of positive emotion and at least relax a little.

When do we worry? As a rule, when we do not feel safe. These can be some very specific and specific situations: for example, a report to the management or a meeting with the husband's relatives. It is also possible that tremendous stress has become a natural part of life and is due to much deeper causes, such as very low self-esteem or the belief in the hostility of everything and everything. And here, as is usually the case, it's time to remember your childhood.

Mother father me

A person comes into this world completely open to everything. He still has no ideas about good, evil, other people, he is interested in doing everything, and he still treats himself and others well. Much of what he sees around him, and first of all in his actions, the worldview of his parents, adds up to his undeniable picture of the world, a kind of map of reality. According to this navigation system, he goes on in life. And what happens? Most families have unspoken rules that prohibit a lot of things in the first place. These rules often govern life navigation: don't talk, don't think, don't feel, don't trust, and ultimately just don't be yourself.

Parents give us their idea of ​​the world and how to get better in it, however, in fact, such care leads to one single conclusion: “the way I am, I am not needed, I have no right to be open, vulnerable, imperfect" and so on. Through trial and error, we learn to adapt to the unwritten rules about what can and how best to fit within the existing framework. Since mom, dad and other significant adults in children's perception are smart and omniscient defenders, everything they broadcast is accepted as the ultimate truth. Unfortunately, at the same time we do not receive support and recognition sufficient to feel our value, the power to trust ourselves and others. This is how the first sprouts of fear and expectation appear that this or that action will lead to rejection by the native flock or some other negative consequences.

It turns out that they adapted to adapt, but the desire to receive support and recognition remained unsatisfied. Growing up, the recent child becomes an integral part of society and already in it begins to look for people who, in his opinion, can provide him with care, security and affection. Sometimes these are companies of leaders in which it is customary to smoke and drink alcohol - and in an effort to feel more confident, to be close to the "strong", they get acquainted with the first cigarette and a glass. Someone goes into virtual reality, because it is easier to achieve success and be a hero there. Others simply try to extinguish unpleasant feelings by changing the state of their consciousness in every possible way or, at worst, by abusing junk food. Still others scratch or shake their legs - and thus achieve relative calm. Here everything is individual.

I really like one philosophical concept, which, in fact, is consonant with the point of view of psychology. She says that each person has a large supply of vital energy. And this is not just a reserve, but a kind of targeted funds: for the implementation of talents, abilities, and the most effective development. If this energy is spent "in the wrong direction" or is not used on the existing scale, then it starts to press from within and create tension. Bad habits “eat up” part of this resource, but internal unfulfillment continues to create tension and, as it were, push us towards integrity and self-love. It turns out that once we learned to adapt to other people's expectations and forgot how to hear ourselves. Anxiety that leads to destructive, strange behavior is just a signal that we once lacked love and support. But everything can be improved.

Getting rid of bad habits

What I love about neurophysiologists is because they can logically explain many things that were not particularly provable before. It turns out that habits are literally physically reflected in the structure of the brain. If we regularly perform some kind of action, then a kind of trodden path of neural cells appears. Thus, the brain saves our own resources and we already automatically react in similar circumstances. Some signal came from outside - and the path "lit up", and after a while you find that, for example, you have been biting your nail for a minute and a half. There is good news: even the most stable connections can be corrected or replaced with new ones. In fact, nervous system can be trained in the same way that we train our muscles and reflexes. Especially quickly new skills are formed when they are associated with pleasure and pleasant emotions.

Luckily, they get used to it too. kills love, paints life in gray tones, deprives us of joy and happiness. But without it, we would not be able to live at all.

Habit is a symbol of stability

Many of us fear relationship habits like fire. After all, it kills novelty, passion, interest in each other. But life without habit is difficult; most of our daily affairs and operations are built on it. We would spend a lot of effort, energy and time on the simplest things, if we didn’t have habits. To some extent, they make our life easier, make it stable and safe in a certain sense.

Also not so bad. We know what to expect from this or that situation, how a loved one will behave, how we ourselves will react to this or that event. No surprises. That is, living with each other for a long time, we can predict the possible development of events and sometimes prevent exacerbations and troubles.

Good habits, for example, decorate our lives. The habit of kissing each other before leaving the house, the habit of asking about the day spent in the evening, the habit of taking care of each other, helping in solving difficult problems, giving gifts, giving advice - all this creates a special world in our family, a warm family atmosphere that helps us relax after a hard time labor day feel more confident and calm. Actually, that's what a family is for.

But even such an environment becomes habitual over time and causes us boredom and the associated indifference. We begin to take this family warmth for granted, for granted. We do not think about the fact that we need to be grateful that someone cares about us. We get used to the good and do not perceive it as good. We want some other, sharp, unusual sensations. And we start looking for them on the side.

Habit is the enemy of happiness

A relationship habit that is devoid of deep love and affection eventually leads to
boredom. People have nothing to talk about, they are bored with each other;
indifference. They are not interested in each other's lives, although they may formally ask about it;
isolation. Everyone locks himself in his little world, fences off, tries to spend time separately;
lack of communication. Communication is formal. People talk only about economic affairs.

If such a family Armageddon comes, you can’t call it happiness, it’s a HABIT. Habit without love. What could be worse than such a relationship? However, some people live like this all their lives. Personally, I don't like this kind of family. And you?

How to get out of a habit?

Moreover, if getting used to a purchase happens very quickly, then the impressions of a trip or interesting communication with unusual people remain with a person for a long time. Even more emotions and joy are brought to us by some joint activities with elements of trials, adventures or the acquisition of new skills. Any extreme experience is a kind of stock of happiness that we feed on for the future and long time after that he supplies us with joy.

The professor advises experiencing happiness not from acquisitions, but from adventures. Create conditions for new experiences, do not sit in front of the TV or computer, it is better to leave the house and walk down the street. Better yet, buy a ticket and go far from home. The more often we go on impulsive, spontaneous adventures, the richer and richer our life becomes, even if habit has crept into it.

A new good habit every day

Remember the proverb: “Sow an action, you reap a habit, sow a habit, you reap a character, sow a character, you reap a destiny.” Depending on what habit you have acquired, such will be your fate.

What are these habits?

Another great habit thank. To say thank you to everyone and everyone, even to the morning ray of the sun that penetrated through the window into your house.

The habit of smiling.
The habit of speaking and thinking only good things about people.
The habit of doing something useful, good every day.
The habit of noticing something unusual in ordinary things.

As well as habits:
stop disputes;
overcome fatigue;
expand consciousness;
keep affairs and house in order;
find time for yourself
listen to silence
rejoice in your achievements;
create and be an example for others.

Life is a great joy and big job, first of all over yourself. To prevent love and life from becoming a habit, do not lose emotional contact with your loved one and yourself. Constantly keep yourself in the tone of interest for each new day. Remember, the main habit is to love each other and love life.